A WAD OF PIZZAS

Step aside, Forbes! The greatest dilemma faced by the unfathomably wealthy is the worry that they might mistakenly tip the pizza delivery person with a wad of cash rather than a slice of pizza. Forget about yachts and mansions; this is about the ultimate dilemma. 

One may believe that being wealthy is the pinnacle of living the dream in a society where money talks and pizza is the unifying symbol of joy.

 There is, however, a small group of people who think that having too much money might be a curse rather than a benefit. Here comes Mr. Moneybags, our main character, a crazy billionaire who suffers from the most bizarre phobia ever.

Try to visualize this: Mr. Moneybags reclines in a mountain of dollar bills that he uses as a beanbag chair while alone in his opulent estate, which is perched on a hilltop overlooking the city and decorated with golden chandeliers. He is thinking about the secrets of life when the unexpected thought occurs in his head: there could be disastrous pizza-related tipping incidents!

You see, despite his enormous wealth, Mr. Moneybags still has a great love for life's simple pleasures, one of which is pizza. He enjoys the mouthwatering blend of tomato sauce, melting cheese, and a variety of toppings. But the idea that the delivery person will confuse his hunger for generosity when they arrive worries him to the core.

Can you picture the setting? An innocent pizza delivery person answers the doorbell while holding a cozy gift of happiness. In a fit of panic, Mr. Moneybags reaches into his pockets in search of a tip but instead pulls out a stack of hundred dollar bills. Unexpectedly, the startled delivery worker receives a windfall that is only little less delicious than a pepperoni-topped treat.

The two-fold scenario that appears is this. First, the pizza delivery person's perplexed countenance, who simply switched from believing they were receiving a small gratuity to thinking about taking early retirement benefits. Second, Mr. Moneybags himself feels guilty when he examines his empty hands and realizes he's just lost a potential slice of pizza.

One can only image the commotion that will result once word of Mr. Moneybags' unintentional kindness gets out there. Pizza delivery drivers from all over the world congregate to his estate in an effort to get their own slice of the billionaire's mishap. They arrive prepared to receive their life-changing advice and armed with empty pizza boxes.

Mr. Moneybags recruits a group of devoted pizza consultants in an effort to correct the situation. They come up with a ground-breaking plan that entails openly labeling each pizza slice with the phrase "Not a Tip." To ensure there are no more unintentional tipping mishaps, they even went so far as to hand out bespoke "Pizza or Cash?" flowcharts to the delivery personnel.

But sadly, there is still more to the story. The labels are switched by a cunning prankster, and havoc breaks out once more. The millionaire in need, Mr. Moneybags, stands in his beautiful foyer surrounded by pizza slices that look like rare jewels as the delivery people joyfully revel in their newfound wealth.

So, dear readers, the lesson to be learned from this hilarious story is straightforward: While money may be able to buy you a lot of things, it most surely cannot buy you a perfect method for tipping pizza. We are constantly reminded that sometimes the most basic things, like a slice of pizza, are worth much more than all the wealth in the world.