ACCIDENTAL PARADISE

Hello, fellow believers in unending wealth! Today, I want to discuss a problem that only the opulently wealthy can comprehend: the difficulty of unintentionally purchasing a lowly first-class aircraft ticket instead of a private jet. Oh, the difficulties we may have if we were ever so lucky! 

Imagine this: You just woke up in your opulently furnished, gold-plated bedroom, flanked by diamond-encrusted corgis, and your butler, who can only communicate through interpretive dancing. You walk over to your computer and start planning your upcoming vacation. The issue, though, is this: Will you unintentionally click the "Buy Now" button for a first-class airline ticket or an entire private jet? This is something that normal mortals will never be able to understand. Choices! Choose! Choices!

Let's be clear now. The typical person never even considers getting a private jet. Even if the airline didn't end up purchasing a wing castle, we'd be content if it didn't misplace our luggage. However, those who are really wealthy face particular problems, such as the dreaded split second where a careless mouse click could send them from a comfortable seat with a warm towel to a lodge with its own zip code.

Imagine your horror when you find yourself in a private jet with a flight attendant who believes you are the captain, rather than sipping champagne on a commercial aircraft. Your modest holiday has all of a sudden changed into a luxurious mid-air extravaganza that would make even the Kardashians blush. So do not worry, my friends! Let's laugh at this ridiculousness.

You notice a sudden absence of fellow passengers as the doors close. The air is thick with the smell of freshly printed money, not the lovely scent of a leather-bound chair. You begin to second-guess your life decisions as you frantically look for the call button, but you soon discover that you have a committed pilot ready to carry out your every order. When you request a snack, it appears! Before your very eyes, a smorgasbord of caviar, foie gras, and gold-flaked donuts is presented. Is this a true story or a scene from "Rich People Gone Wild"?

Now, you may be asking how someone might mistakenly click "Purchase" on a private jet instead of a ticket. Well, dear reader, it's an old story (or at least as ancient as online purchasing). Perhaps the most recent celebrity rumors or the exorbitant costs of classic sports cars kept you from paying attention. You might have also been clicking erratically out of panic after your pet unicorn accidentally broke a precious vase. When your living room is an exact duplicate of the Palace of Versailles, certain things occur.

Be at ease, fellow future billionaires! This story of the erroneous jet purchase has a bright side. Take advantage of your newfound aerial fortune by inviting your best friends to travel with you on a spontaneous vacation around the globe. Just watch out that they don't think you're the pilot and ask you to locate the seat belt sign. You don't want to be the one to blame if your friend's face causes the ceiling to move while the plane is in turbulence, I assure you.

Friends, remember to breathe and allow laughing help you get through this crazy predicament if you ever find yourself in a "jetset versus jet purchase" dilemma. After all, the unexpected is what life is all about, even if it means taking a private flight while wearing your favorite onesie. Who knows, though? You might remember this unintentional purchase in the future with pleasure that money can't buy.

Please excuse me while I go check the balance on my bank account to see whether I can afford to unintentionally purchase a pack of gum. Until next time, may your first-class travel always take you to wonderful places, and your acquisitions of private aircraft be deliberate and well-thought-out.